I was out of it. I didn’t care what would happen to me in the end. I had not one regret in my moments of running away. All I did was look forward and kept going. My trigger that led up to this point was this girl. I have no purpose for blaming her for anything that happened and forgave her throughout this story I’m about to tell you, but while I was running, on that day without having any intention of stopping for a fleeting moment, all I did was place the blame on her.
The day which all of these events occurred I was skipping school and decided to trail off into downtown Frederick. I was heading to a spot there that I call my “safe space” to simply chill out until school would usually end and then go back home. The spot I was at was considerably good at conducting wind drafts from the outside. And what’s even worse is that day it was around twenty eight degrees out. I thought about it hard, whether I wanted to move to a different spot or not, and came to the conclusion that moving was arguably better than staying where I was.
There’s this tall parking garage right beside Baker Park, which I would go to during the spring or summer to hang out with my thoughts and think about life for a little. I walked into the entrance and headed to the elevator that led up to the roof. Once I was up there, all I could do was watch a show on my phone, whilst eating the lunch I had packed for the day. All of a sudden, my friend sent me a screenshot that devastated me. It explained what this girl, whom I loved, had planned with other people – the girl who I thought I could talk to about anything, the one who told me she loved me. All of my previous memories of her and I flashed through my head before I could even move another muscle. My eyes became glossy and my feelings were in distraught.
And before I knew it, I screamed. I screamed as loud as possible. That gut wrenching moment and that ear piercing scream, I will never forget. Everything that was in my possession I picked up just to throw it down, and I repeated it for the next couple of minutes. I couldn’t even cry; the feeling I had was indescribable. My options at the time and at that moment were to either jump off the roof and end my life or run, run far, far away. I chose to run. I didn’t want anyone seeing me like this, so I pulled up my hood and placed it over my head. Before running, I made a video and posted it up for everyone to see on a social media app saying my goodbyes.
I headed out of the building and was finally on the run. I walked to the end of Frederick and into Walkersville. My plan at the time was something I came up with suddenly, so it wasn’t the smartest plan either. I thought if I kept walking north in the direction I was going I would end up in PA and magically be in the clear from everyone and every problem I had. Obviously I was wrong, and couldn’t even walk that far in the first place with no food or water. I just decided to stall it out and kept walking directionless. At the time, all my friends were responding to the situation, and some of them even got off school early to come find me, but of course I was nowhere to be found.
My mom had put out a missing report to the police, so then I had officers tailing me as well as multiple other people. That girl that I had come to finally forgive in previous days from today (3/14/24) texted me out of the blue and tried to manipulate me even more. She talked about how she never lied about a thing, and that she just started liking someone else, although she said she loved me not even a few days before. I ignored her, my friends and my family.
Those cops that were previously looking for me had caught up and talked to me for a little bit, and I explained it all in detail as I did to you, the reader. Even now I still have some of the remaining emotions that I had that day. The hatred for the girl that I blamed for everything has passed and I’ve forgiven her. The events following the day I ran away is a whole other story for a whole other day. I learned to forgive even the worst “version” of someone because …
